"Just" Nothing

I am really sick of just trying. Really.

I’m over it.

It’s an epidemic throughout our church. It’s the kind of crap that came from the friends of Job. It’s the kind of inconsistency between the Church and the teachings of Christ that drives away interested souls and alienates those of us who every minute of the day feel like we will never try enough. I’m also tired of hearing that everybody feels this way, because it’s not true, not everyone feels this. What am I talking about?

We’re the ones who lie in bed in the morning and wish we could hold onto unconsciousness.

We’re the ones who believe we sin because we’re fallen but also because we’re hurt.

We’re the ones with depression, mental illness, whatever you want to call it. We’re the ones that function well enough to be overlooked, but not enough to be pitied.

We are the invisible people in churches, who try to blend in, who envy cheerful soccer moms and weeping worship leaders and wonder what’s wrong with their own spiritual lives.

You just need to trust the Lord more.

You just need to give it to God.

You just need to not worry.

You just need to realize we’re more than conquerors!

You just need to stop focusing on your problems.

You just need to spend more time thinking about other people.

I’m one of those people who need to try harder. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome, including anxiety and panic attacks, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, including depression. My best friend has Lupus, including depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, and another friend confessed to me in shame that she was having panic attacks but didn’t want to tell anyone at church.

Wait, we’re hiding in church? And you wonder why they hate us?

NEWSFLASH: James 2:15-17

“Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?”

Wait, I thought church was where you went to get healing and to confess your needs with people with the same belief system.

But instead, we are scared into silence and saccharine smiles, because if we confess, they will stare confusedly at us and tell us to “just_____________.” This isn’t just offering helpful suggestions that I’m talking about; it’s the assumption that we must be doing something wrong or we would be just as holy as you are. What the church doesn’t seem to understand is that the Bible doesn’t teach you to help out with attitude adjustments. There is a difference between depression and sadness, anxiety and crabbiness, and if you’ve never felt it, don’t try to imagine it, because you genetically can’t. We don’t need an attitude adjustment, we need love and support. Believe it or not, you do not see the entire picture. Your reminders won’t achieve the work of the Holy Spirit anymore than telling someone with Alzheimer’s Disease that they need to just strengthen their memory.

NEWSFLASH: Romans 12:15-16

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.”

Harmony doesn’t mean you hold other Christians in a parent-child relationship dependent on who is more spiritual. Conceive of the fact for a moment that you might not know exactly what that person needs. You don’t need to fix or understand. Sometimes you just need to listen and love.

NEWS FLASH : Ecclesiastes 3

“… a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance… a time to embrace and a time to refrain…a time to be silent and a time to speak… He has made everything beautiful in its time; He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

Now, before I get accused of over-correcting, there are times when we do need an attitude adjustment and/or a good smack up-side the head. There are times we need to be jerked out of the mud instead of gently led through a hurricane. Jesus calls us to lovingly care for each other’s needs.

Wait, are you saying I have to try to figure out what the person needs?

Um, aren’t you the one bragging about how different you are, how you’re trying to let people see what’s different about you (which is a whole other rant we need to have)?

Listen to the songs you sing Sunday mornings—really listen to what you are signing your name to; do you really mean, “I surrender all” or are these words that slip from your mouth by rote memory when you’re half asleep in the pew at 10:30?

Yes, as a member of the Body of Christ, you are expected to seek the Holy Spirit and figure out what that person needs. Will you always be right? Not in this world. Will the person always want your help? Probably not. You might have to be vulnerable.

Notice this about the “just be happy” advice? It all begins with you. The first word in the sentence transfers any responsibility of the person asking the question onto the person who is hurting. It’s as good as saying, This isn’t really my problem but this is probably what you’re doing wrong so let me straighten your tie here.

I’m going to leave you first with a passage that scares the hell out of me. I know that proportionately, I’m as gnarled and jaded with bitterness as the worse Christian with hypocrisy. Notice the responsibility Jesus places on the condemned.

Matthew 25: 41-46

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not visit me.

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in a prison and did not help you?’

“He will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”

He doesn’t say, “you did not try to cheer me up” or, “you did not tell me what I was doing wrong”, or even, “you did not preach the gospel.”

I learned about the mercy of Christ, trying to escape the judgment of the church. God is my closest friend, closer than a lover, because only He dried my tears when I screamed for help.

I don't remember where I heard this parable but it has stuck with me.

There was a shepherd one day who saw a flock of lost sheep grazing near his. He immediately invited them to the sheep pens, throwing out the flock he already owned. For dinner, he brought the lost sheep the best of the meal but let his own sheep pick through what was left over. He kindly and gently led the lost sheep into the softest place to bed while his own sheep remained outside in the cold. The next morning, after providing them with clean water and warm food, the shepherd asked if the lost sheep would like to remain and be part of his flock. They immediately declined and prepared to go about their way. When he asked why, the sheep replied that while they were grateful for his care while they were his guests, they had seen the way he treated the sheep he already possessed. “For the sake of wooing us, you neglected your own sheep and left them out in the cold. You reached out to count higher numbers in your flock but disregarded your own, and we’ll have none of it.”

And they continued to search for another shepherd.

Christian Men and Twilight

If you’re unhappy with the post, freely complain or comment ROTTEN TOMATO, although, we may then assume your argument was crappy ;-)
If you like it, expound upon your enjoyment or comment flowers.

So, like every other breathing female, I’ve also fallen down the Twilight Saga rabbit-hole. I love that the movie has totally flipped history’s gender roles. Seriously, thousands of years of men sexually objectifying women and we got all our revenge at a three-day Twilight convention.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, this movie has put guys ON EDGE, Christian and non. Guys tend to focus on the sparkling and the “vegetarian” life-style that greatly contrast with the other vampires in the story and other vampire series. On a side note in defense of Stephanie Myer, vegan vampires were already around, such as those in True Blood, Angel from Buffy and Louis from Anne Rice’s decadent saga.
When I hear guys talk about the sparkling, it’s always in that tone that says these vampires are so pathetically girly and weak I can’t take them seriously. Which is funny, because with each vampire’s particular gift, they look an awful lot like X-Men……..
I haven’t taken a poll or done a study on this; it’s purely based on my experience, but some guys are a little bit more honest at times about what actually bugs them about Twilight vampires. While comparing other heart throbs with Edward (sorry, I’m Team Edward, don’t judge me), a guy friend complained to me that Edward sets the standard impossibly high for how men treat women. So let’s remove the smokescreen, shall we?
Guys: We need to point out the sparkling or we’ll have to explain why we don’t measure up to them.

Bullocks.

Pay attention guys.
It’s not the incredible strength and speed, though that’s nice. It’s not his willingness to watch while Bella sleeps, though that’s creepy AND nice. It’s not the money that doesn’t seem to have a limit, though that’s nice. It’s not anything that you yourself can’t do. Here are a few (million) examples.

Edward is a Gentleman
 He introduces himself to Bella’s father.
 He picks her up for school even though she has a car (I concede that it’s easier to do this in a small town).
 He opens doors for her.
 Edward uses his “time” to learn languages and earn diverse and sundry degrees.
 Edward encourages Bella to pursue her education.
 Edward doesn’t use his life to whine and moan (at least not in the book anyway, I’m not saying anything about the movies) like Louis (Interview with A Vampire), to develop a Messiah Complex like Angel (Buffy/Angel), to get rich off Strip Clubs (True Blood), or to stalk beautiful young women for blood and sex (I had to end with Dracula).
 Edward is cultivated but not a snob; he discusses philosophy, literature, history, ethics, and so on with Bella, which in my book is a two-pointer.

Edward has a Spine
 He doesn’t require the approval of his family and he makes Bella one of them (not in the vampire sense here).
 He doesn’t hide their untraditional relationship from family or people at school.
 He acts when Bella is insulted, unhappy, or in danger, but he doesn’t go all HULK SMASH. Other vampires leave Bella alone because of his presence. He never looks at her and says, “Well, what do you want me to do about it?”
 He, quite simply, takes action on Bella’s behalf.


Edward is Sentimental
 He understands stupid events like the proms or weddings and refuses to let Bella miss them (I’m actually more with Bella despising these events but most guys might ask a second time after a refusal and then burst into a joyful hymn to God.

 He spends a considerable amount of time not making out with Bella, simply chatting, listening to music, helping her study, watching her cooking or doing chores.

 Edward isn’t a third date kind of guy; he’s actually willing to marry Bella before sex, of course making the huge risk he’ll be stuck with bad sex his entire life…existence (and yes, I did hear that from one guy, explaining why it was necessary to have sex before marriage). I mean, really?


Okay, there is nothing here requiring super human speed and strength. Most girls don’t even expect a third of this. But you know what? They hope for it, desperately.
Some lyrics by popular artists:

So much for my happy ending…-Avril Lavigne
Bury the Castle…-Paramour
This time, I’ll save myself…-Evanescence
I am a princess on the way to my throne-Alanis Morisette
I’m not your princes; this ain’t a fairy tale.-Taylor Swift
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone….
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess…-Taylor Swift again.

Now look at the names of some devotions for women:
Captivating-Staci and John Elderidge
Let me be a Woman-Elizabeth Elliot
Knight in Shining Armor: Discovering Your Life Long Love-P.B. Wilson
There’s not enough room to list all the books in the romance section….


And the best part, is that this is possible because for so long it was the norm.

But the women were suppressed when social codes demanded men were gentlemen.
Then change the freedoms of the women, not the chivalry of the men. Because today, we’re still paying more for our jeans except the guys can treat us like crap AND get sex.

But guys aren’t used to expressing themselves.
GET OVER IT.

But people will think we’re gay!
First of all, there are worse things, but anyway, stop letting gay guys be the only ones with swagger! If we could wear corsets for hundreds of years, and high heels and have PMS (sometimes all at the same time), you can develop your masculinity beyond cutting down trees and peeing standing up.

And if this article made you angry, you’re probably the kind of guy for whom it’s written. 

Faith

I think there's a lot of things in the Body of Christ today that need to change, beyond the "we're all fallen" margin. I think we've made the church absolutely toxic for people who aren't part of the club and that includes scarlet letter Christians inside. I am bitter and angry, as one of those scarlet letter Christians, and I hope that you forgive me, but it doesn't erase accountability for how we have warped the Body of Christ. For people outside the church, I'm sorry for how we've treated you. For people inside the church, I'm sorry I am so damn angry. Please forgive me.

....And some of this is totally random crap I wasn't sure where else to put....